


The Scuttlebutt

by ShebaVentis



Series: A Crow, a Rat, and a Sparrow [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6638797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShebaVentis/pseuds/ShebaVentis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of one-shots set in the CRS universe. Features Korlys, Mario, and Attrei, and will likely feature other characters as they appear in the main story. Some stories may even be AU, and if so, will be noted as such. Individual stories will range from K - M ratings, and cover a variety of genres.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Korlys', Mario's, and Attrei's last night camping before arriving at Gwaren. Chronologically, this fits in the middle of chapter 20 of book one - Freedom's Shadow.

**Family**

Korlys watched the sparks from the campfire as they floated into the night sky like fireflies. Tomorrow, they would be in Gwaren. It felt like a lifetime had passed since he had murdered Angelo and given the Crows the slip, fleeing from Denerim with Mario. And now he was so close to freedom he could taste it. He never imagined that he would be leaving Ferelden with two friends... family, really, like Attrei had said. Korlys looked over at Mario, surprised to find the thief had been watching him intently. He smiled. "Why are you staring at me like that?" His voice was soft as he reached out and brushed his fingertips against the back of Mario's neck affectionately.

"You're so lost in thought… What are you thinking about?" Mario asked, forcing himself to smile back. He suspected he knew. Tomorrow, they would be in Gwaren; originally, that was where they were supposed to split up. That was ages ago, before they got together, and they had changed their plans after that, of course. But… Korlys never really said he loved him; in fact, he said love wasn't possible, that it was a lie people told when they wanted to hurt someone. What if he thought Mario was toying with him - what if he decided to leave alone, after all? _Well, too bad even if he did. I'm not gonna let that happen._

"I was thinking about family. This is the first time I have ever had one - a real one, anyway. The Crows liked to say they were..." Korlys glanced at Attrei, whose ears had perked up. "But that was a lie." He turned back to Mario. "What was it like? I really cannot imagine it."

Mario relaxed. That was all? He was hardly an example of a happy family life, but compared to the Crows or the Templars, even his stepdad looked kind and caring. "My real dad died when I was a baby, I don't remember him at all. But Ma… she was the kindest person in the world. I guess we didn't have much money, but I never knew or cared back then. She laughed a lot; nothing seemed to upset her. She never hit me, even when I was bad. Every night, she'd tell me a story, usually about a brave elvhen hero, whose name was also Mario." He chuckled fondly at the memory. "But then she married my stepfather. I'll never understand why. Though, he wasn't always that bad. At first he seemed nice… but it didn't last long."

"Why? What happened?" Attrei asked.

"I'm not sure. I think he lost his job, maybe - I was too small, nobody would tell me. I only know what I found out later, rumours I heard from neighbours. He lost his job and couldn't find another for a long time, so he started drinking. And Ma got pregnant… and I was in the way. Not his son, just another mouth to feed." Mario shrugged.

Korlys gave the back of the thief's neck a light squeeze. "Your mother told you stories about a hero named Mario? How charming. Tell us one of these stories." He was fascinated with the idea of a mother - and a story would steer the conversation away from a sore spot for Mario.

"You want me to tell you a bedtime story? You sure you don't want one about a brave hero called Korlys?" he teased. "And his sidekick called Attrei," he added when he noticed a disappointed look on the mage's face. "Of course, they could hardly compare with Super Mario… Maker, how I loved those stories. Believed every word of them, too."

"We want to hear about Mario," the mage replied quickly. "Right, Korlys?"

" _Sí_ ," Korlys said with a grin. "Mario the hero sounds much more interesting."

Mario cleared his throat. "Once upon a time there was a country, and in that country, there was a big town on the shore of an ocean, and in that town, there was a cottage, and in the cottage lived a young elf named Mario and his mother. One day, Mario told his mother, 'I want to travel around the world and see all the wonders!' She saw it was useless to try to stop him; so she baked him his favourite buns, blessed him and kissed him on the brow."

"Favourite buns?" Attrei snickered.

"Of course. With plum jam filling," Mario snapped haughtily. "So he took his late father's sword, crossed the seven seas, climbed seven mountains, and had many perilous adventures until he reached a country that was lovelier than any he had seen before. Or it would've been if everyone wasn't sad and weeping. He went to the inn and asked what had happened to them, and the innkeeper said,

"'You must be a stranger if you don't know about the terrible tragedy that happened. A dragon flies down from the mountains every week, and brings ruin and death unless he is given a maiden. But now it is our princess' turn. You have never laid your eyes on a maiden more fair and kind, but alas she will be sacrificed this Sunday. The dragon promised to never return if he gets her, but that he would ruin us all if it is any other girl. The king announced that whoever slays the beast will be given the princess' hand in marriage and half the kingdom.'

"'Oh, if that's all,' our brave traveller said, 'I can do that.' But nobody believed him because he had no horse and no armour."

"See how important armour is?" Korlys interrupted with a snicker.

"See that he survived all those perilous adventures without one?" Mario retorted. "But, yeah, for this adventure he decided he might need some. So he went to a smith and spent the money he had earned in his previous adventures on a set of splendid silver armour and a white horse. Then he asked people where the dragon would appear, and went to prepare himself.

"The next morning, he went to the place where the dragon was to come; it was near a huge rock, and the princess was already there, tied to it. But, she wasn't the only one waiting for a dragon. Rumour had spread across the whole country, and there were many warriors ready to try their luck. Many young nobles boasted about how they would only need one hit to kill the beast. Mario said nothing, he just sat quietly and waited for the dragon.

"Suddenly, a strong wind picked up, uprooting the trees; that was the dragon coming. A huge beast it was, with three heads, spouting fire-"

"Wow, a three-headed dragon!" Korlys' voice held all the wonder of a child, so caught up was he in the story.

Attrei looked doubtful. "I've never heard of a dragon with three heads."

"There are many things you've never heard of, Baby," Mario assured him. "But maybe the other warriors never heard of it either, because they got scared. 'No one can fight such a monster!' they cried, and threw away their weapons and shields and ran away in panic. Can you guess who was the only one who didn't throw away his sword and run like a chicken?"

"Mario, because he is too cheap to throw anything away," Korlys teased.

"Well, that's true. Others could learn from his example, you know, instead of spending two sovereigns for soap. Plus he spent his last coins on that armour, and he didn't want it to be a waste."

"Hmph," Korlys said, but the grin on his face belied his offended tone.

"So what did he do?" Attrei asked impatiently.

"You'll find out if you stop interrupting me… Well, what could he do? He fought with it, of course. And it was a long and difficult fight; it took a whole day, but in the end, he slayed the beast and cut off all three heads. He then cut out their tongues and put them in his bag, and untied the princess. But he was too exhausted, and couldn't ride all the way back to the castle. They had to camp and rest.

"But one of the cowardly nobles had watched the fight, and followed them on their way back; when Mario fell asleep, he sneaked into camp and hit him over the head with a rock; then he forced the princess to tell everyone it was him who saved her. Afraid for her life, and thinking Mario was dead, she agreed."

"He wasn't really dead, right?"

Mario smirked at Attrei's anxious look. "There wouldn't be tales about him, and he wouldn't be called Super Mario if he was such a loser as to die after one hit by a rock. Though he did have a painful bump on his head when he woke up - and his princess was gone! He was quite mad because he thought it was her who slammed him. He wasted no time and travelled right to the king to complain. But nobody would listen. They didn't even let him see the king - despite the shiny armour," he added, glancing at Korlys, "because there was a hero in the palace already! He had returned with the princess, they said and brought the three heads of the dragon to prove it. The marriage had already been announced and would be held next Sunday.

"So on Sunday, Mario waited in the church until the bridal procession came, and he saw the treacherous bastard grinning proudly, and he saw the princess was so unhappy her wedding veil was wet with tears. Now he was sure she had not betrayed him. Then the Grand Cleric came, and said, 'Should anyone object to this marriage, let them step forward now, or remain silent forever!'

"And Mario jumped forward. ' _I_ object!' he shouted. 'This man is a fraud and a coward! If he slayed the dragon, then let him prove it!'

"The noble protested and said Mario was just a crazy knife-ear, that the heads were proof enough - and the guards believed him. They would have arrested him, but the princess recognized Mario and stopped them.

"'Can you give us proof you killed the dragon?' she asked him, because she knew about the tongues.

"'I can! Check the dragon's heads - they are missing the tongues. If this man slayed the dragon, surely he can say where they are?' The king sent his servant to check the dragon's heads, and it was true - and the noble couldn't explain it. Then Mario pulled out the tongues from his bag and showed it to the king.

"'This is the man who fought valiantly to save me, not the brute who threatened me to get me to lie!' the princess then said. The king was pissed off that the noble threatened his daughter, and had him arrested and beheaded; and since the wedding ceremony had already started, and it would be a waste to send everyone home and make them come back later, they continued with it - but with Mario for a groom, of course.

"So Mario got the lovely princess, and half the kingdom, and had his mother brought to his palace. She was very happy because it had been a long time since they had seen each other…" Mario's voice faltered for a moment before he continued, "and they lived happily ever after, and had a lot of babies and no dragons bothered them ever again."

Korlys clapped. "That was marvelous! _Grazie_ for sharing it with us."

"You know, you sounded very convincing as a woman," Attrei praised him. "I think in Gwaren you should be the lady, and let me be the man."

"Baby, nobody would believe you're a _man_. Trust me, it's best to keep it as it is. Am I not right?" he turned to Korlys.

"Hmm... I do not know. Perhaps we should have him dress as a man, and you can put on the dress. Then I can decide if it will work," Korlys said, a mischievous look in his eyes.

Mario pouted. "But if I'm a girl, you can't be my princess," he complained. Besides, there's one important thing about family you need to know, Baby. And that is - your older brother is _always_ right."

"Well, since I am the oldest, it means _I_ am always right, _sí_?"

"Yeah, but the two of us are not brothers. You don't think I'd kiss a _brother_ , do you? But, you are the oldest brother of Attrei here."

"That's not fair! You only say that so that you can boss me around," Attrei protested.

"That's exactly what brothers do." Mario snickered. "But, okay. I can try the dress on if it makes you happy - but not yours, I wouldn't fit in. I can try one of Korlys' dresses… and you can serve me as your princess." He batted his eyelashes at Korlys.

Korlys gave Mario a naughty grin. "I would be delighted. We should probably retire to the tent for this, yes? I will have to practice serving you until I have it right - all night, if necessary."

"Um, I think I'll go to sleep," Attrei muttered. This was quickly going in a direction he didn't care for. He got up and stretched his back, yawning. "Goodnight."

"Now you did it." Mario pouted at Korlys. "You chased away half of my audience!"

" _Mi dispiace_ , I did not realize you would want an audience for such an intimate activity. Perhaps next time?" Gratified to see Mario blushing, Korlys chuckled, then relented. He leaned over and kissed Mario's cheek softly. "I am just teasing," he murmured. "I think it is time to turn in for the night, yes? I will take Attrei's watch since it is my fault he left."

"Nonsense. I started it - I should've known you'd turn it into something pervy. And I'm not tired yet. Maybe I can stay with you and make sure you don't fall asleep on your watch?"

"That is true, you should know better by now. _Va bene_ , stay with me for awhile and keep me company."

"How gracious of you, my princess." Mario chuckled and wrapped his arms around Korlys. "But, only for awhile? Then I have no time to waste," he said as he pulled Korlys in for a kiss.


	2. Interview with an Assassin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though this one-shot is set in an alternate universe, it contains major spoilers and should not be read unless the reader has finished chapter 23 of book one - Freedom's Shadow.

 

**Interview with an Assassin**

 

We are sitting in an almost empty room with cinderblock walls and a concrete floor. One bare bulb hangs from the ceiling directly over the small wooden table that separates us. The assassin sitting across from me is slouched in his chair, arms crossed, a wary expression on his face.

"So, tell me - what is your biggest weakness?" I ask, pen poised over a plain tablet of paper - the sort any school-aged child would instantly recognize - and looking at him expectantly.

Korlys' eyes narrow. "Who wants to know?"

"Venti."

"... Is it not obvious by now?"

I sigh. "Please get with the program, Korlys."

"Very well. But only because I know the ending of the story is not yet written, and you could always make it worse..." The ex-Crow takes a deep breath, and, in a voice that makes it very clear he is repeating what we all already know, replies, "My biggest weakness is that I am weak. There. Are you happy now?"

Surely he knows such a short answer will not satisfy me, yes? "Please elaborate," I say, with a tiny shake of my head.

Korlys grinds his teeth and glares at me, a reaction that would thoroughly terrify most people. "Fine. I was broken in less than twenty-four hours - a disgrace for any Crow." His gaze drops to the floor, and his body sags visibly. "And... I continue to believe I may be something different... some _one_ different... if only I fight hard enough."

I gently place the pen down in front of me and study him, suddenly sad that I made him say it out loud. I want to apologize for... well, everything, but expressing regret would imply that I intend to no longer hurt him, and we both know that is not true. Fighting the urge to wrap my arms around him and hug him - he'd only push me away, and who could blame him? - I quietly slip out of my chair and leave him there, eyes still downcast, sitting all alone, as the door clicks shut behind me.

oOo

Mario waits until the annoying woman is gone and steps out of the shadow, from where he'd watched everything - no fucking way he'd leave his _caro_ alone with one of those two. He walks to Korlys, grabbing the chair the woman was sitting on a moment ago as he goes, and sits down next to him.

"You. Are not. Weak," he says as he gently lifts Korlys' face. "They tried to break you, but they failed. They failed, Korlys - _you_ won. You're not who they wanted you to be. You resisted. You fought. You are yourself. And where are they? Dead. Because you're strong. So strong, that when they tried to break you by force, you destroyed them. Do you know what Claudio said? He said it was a miracle, that after what you went through, you could fight. A miracle of your strength, _caro_. Never doubt that."

Korlys covers one of Mario's hands with his own. "No, not me - _us_. We are strong together." He lifts his gaze to the little sparrow sitting on the windowsill. " _All_ of us."

The sparrow flies into the room and changes back to Attrei. "How did you know it was me?" he asks with a sheepish grin.

"You mean besides the fact that sparrows do not generally sit on windowsills and watch interrogations?" Korlys' voice is gently teasing at first but turns serious. "I knew because I knew you would not leave me to be interrogated alone, if you had any say in it."

"Of course I wouldn't. We're family." He bends over and wraps his arms around both of them and pulls them into a hug. "Don't ever forget that."

"Yeah, okay." Mario pulls away. Not that he doesn't think they're family - they are - but hugs are a bit too much. He glances around for something to change the subject, and notices the paper Sheba left on the desk. "What's this, interrogation questions?" He grabs the tablet, glancing over the questions. "Interview With an Assassin," he reads incredulously. "Question one, biggest weakness… question two, do you find yourself attractive?!" He roars with laughter. "Well? _Do_ you find yourself attractive?"

Korlys snorts and grabs the pad. "Let me see that." His expression of disbelief grows more pronounced as he scans the list, then slowly lifts his head to gaze at his companions. "What sort of person asks an _assassin_ what his favourite colour is?"

"A fangirl," Attrei says with a giggle. "That's what we called them in the Tower," he explains when the other two look at him curiously. "You see, some boys were very popular, and had a lot of admirers. Sometimes so many that those girls formed clubs, of sorts. They were obsessed with collecting any information about the subjects of their admiration, because they believed that by careful application of this information, they could win the guy's attention. This is exactly the type of questions they'd love to ask. Does it also include the size of the shoes and underwear?"

"Fangirls?" Mario growls. "Nutcases, you mean. Well, they better find another subject for their admiration. Korlys is spoken for."

"Aww... Are you jealous, _caro_? That is so cute. Come here," Korlys says, tugging on Mario's hand to bring him in closer for a kiss.

After an interval that feels far too short for Korlys, and likely far too long for Attrei, they break the kiss. "So," Korlys says, getting back to business, "they want answers, yes? Well, let us not disappoint the lovely ladies." He vacates his chair so that Attrei can sit, putting the pen and paper in front of the little mage. "Attrei, you have the best penmanship - you do the writing." A look of pure glee comes over the Antivan's face, as if the thought of paying back the 'lovely ladies' is more satisfying than anything he could do to Velasco. "In fact, we should give them answers for all three of us."

"Admit it. You just want to talk about how handsome you are," Mario says. Korlys' enthusiasm is contagious, though, and he leans over the tablet with the questions. "Okay, let's start…. Oh, this one is good. 'Who are your parents and what are they like?' Korlys."

"She wants to know about my parents?" The assassin pauses a moment, then a crafty gleam comes into his eyes. "Let us say they were the king and queen of Antiva."

"Well, that fits. You do act like a prince." Mario nods in approval. "Write it down, Baby."

Attrei laughs. "All right. Isn't that a bit obvious, though? I mean, if you're royalty, how did you become a Crow?"

"Oh, that is easy. Everyone knows that even the kings and queens of Antiva are not safe from the Crows. We will simply explain that they gave me to them as a bribe not to kill them. Because I am so obviously awesome," Korlys says with a self-satisfied air.

"Yeah. That makes perfect sense," Mario says dryly. "Okay, mine now. They were… the king and queen of the underworld! Dad was… a lyrium smuggler and Ma was-"

"Dwarf smugglers!" Korlys interrupts, with a maniacal grin.

"What the fuck?! I'm one inch shorter than you, and that makes me a dwarf?"

"That is not what I meant... and you are _two_ inches shorter than me, by the way. Not one. Two."

"Whatever. I'm bigger where it counts," Mario declares indignantly, crossing his arms.

"Oh? I do not recall that being the case - maybe you should refresh my memory. We could measure against each other and find out for sure."

"Yeah! Let's do that!"

Attrei looks from one to the other and nods. "All right. I'll be the objective judge. To avoid any future arguments."

Korlys' and Mario's jaws drop simultaneously, mirror images of each other, and Attrei can't help giggling. "You should see your faces!"

"Well played, Baby," Mario says when his ability to speak returns, and laughs. "We might even succeed in making a man of you."

Korlys grins widely. "Good one, Attrei!" he exclaims, clapping the little mage on the back. "Now, back to the questions. I believe it is your turn, yes?"

"But my parents are mages," Attrei says, a hint of disappointment in his voice. "There are no kings and queens in the Tower."

"They don't have to be in the Tower. There are mages who live outside. Right?" Mario looks at Korlys, a silent signal for help.

" _Sí_. And in Tevinter, they rule... That is it! We will say your father is the Imperial Archon in the Imperium."

"But they're all blood mages there," Attrei protests.

"Well, your parents aren't! And everyone else was pissed off at them because of that, so they had to send you to safety," Mario offers. "How's that?"

Attrei's face brightens at that. "I like it! And now we're all princes."

Korlys peers over Attrei's shoulder, scanning the questions. "'What is your e-mail address?'. What is 'e-mail'?"

"Don't look at me." Mario shrugs. "I'm just a street rat. If you don't know what it is, how would I know?"

"Well… it's e-mail… e… maybe as in enchanted? Enchanted mail, e-mail?" Attrei frowns. "But if enchanters use something like that, I've never heard about it before."

"We will skip that one - I do not think princes have much use for enchanted mail," Korlys says. "Oh, here is a perfect one - 'What are your most prominent physical features?'." He catches Mario's eye, grinning wickedly. "I believe _Mario_ can answer that for me."

"Oh, good idea! And I can answer for Mario, and you can answer for me," Attrei agrees eagerly.

Mario arches his brow at the Antivan. "Well, let me see… Crow-black hair, sexy eyes, and a _huge…_ ego."

"That's not a physical feature," Attrei reminds him.

"No, but it's true. Okay, your turn, Korlys."

"Hmm, Attrei's most prominent physical feature," Korlys says with a twinkle in his eye. "Well, obviously it is the flaming red hair... on his chest!"

"Oh, yes. His manly chest," Mario adds, smirking.

"Well, it's now my turn to describe you. Your main feature…" Attrei chews the end of the pen, thinking about it. "I know! The gentle smile that never leaves your lips."

"Yeah," Korlys jumps in. "Like a kitten, wouldn't you say?"

"Hmph." Mario picks up the paper again. "Okay, if you have all that, Baby, let's move on to the next question."

"What about this one - 'What is your happiest memory?'," Attrei suggests.

"Sounds good," Mario agrees. "Go ahead."

"Hm… It's hard to choose only one. But… that night, when Mario told us the story about Super Mario," Attrei admits.

"I was that impressive, was I?"

"Yes, but not just that…That was the night you said we were family."

"Ah yes, that was the time Mario insisted that he is always right... well _one_ of the many times, anyway," Korlys says with a wink at the thief, unable to resist teasing him, "because he is your big brother." He looks down at Attrei. " _Sí_ , that is the first time I also realized that we are a family."

Korlys gives Attrei's shoulder a squeeze, then turns to Mario. "So, what is your happiest memory, _caro_?"

"Can I say two?" Mario asks. "The first one… when you said you liked me, that evening at the lake and… well, you know what happened." He shoots an embarrassed glance toward Attrei before he continues. "The second one, when I found you on the ship," he says softly. "And you were alive and whole."

If the little mage had not been sitting between them, Korlys would have swept Mario into his arms for the kiss; as it is, he settles for leaning over Attrei, promising himself that later he will do it properly. "Those are my favorites, as well - our first kiss, and realizing that you were not just an illusion."

Attrei coughs. "Shall we move to the next question?" he suggests. "I wonder what _they_ will say when they read this."

"I don't know and I don't wanna find out," Mario mutters uneasily. "We better not be here when they return."

"Now that I think of it, why _are_ we hanging around this dreary room, anyway?" Korlys says. "We should leave before either of them return and make us go back to the ship. Let us go have some fun - maybe get Italian food? I am starving!"

"Antivan," Attrei corrects him. "Sounds like a good idea. I'm hungry, too."

"Then let's go!" Mario gets up and stretches his back. "Let them find someone else to write about. Though I doubt they can find anyone as awesome as us."

oOo

Venti and I wait until the boys are gone before entering the room. I walk over to the table, and pick up the pad of paper with a tiny shake of my head. "Tsk, can you believe they actually thought we would _fall_ for such ridiculous answers? How stupid do they think we are?"

"But it fits - three awesome princes. _Whatever_ shall we do, in our despair, now that they're gone?" she asks, amused.

I laugh. "I can hardly believe I'm getting a break from that elven diva," I say, a bit giddy at the realization. "Ooh, I know... I'm going to a spa! I want a massage - and maybe I'll get my nails done, too!" I turn to Venti with a grin. "How about you?"

"That sounds good. I'll spend a weekend on the beach…" she pauses. "We _do_ have a weekend, right? Maybe we can think of a few more things to keep them busy."

"Hmm, good point," I say, as we head for the door. "Let's see..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hugs and thanks to our awesome betas, Oleander's One and Bloodsong 13T, for beta reading this so quickly! We dropped it into their laps quite unexpectedly, and they were gracious enough to review it immediately. We love you guys! :)


	3. Chicken Soup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An alternate ending for the fight scene in chapter 23 of CRS - sort of a cross between The Matrix and... well, we don't quite know, actually. It was partly inspired by the magic animation in DA2 - we won't lay the whole blame on them, though. We dedicate it to our friend, Nyusha, who is recuperating from a car accident. Feel better soon!
> 
> We didn't send it to our betas because we have too much respect for them, so please excuse any errors. xD

**Chicken Soup**

Mario scrambled to his feet, gasping for breath. He'd been climbing up the mast to get above the smoke from the bomb so he could see if there were any Crows left when this crazy weirdo had jumped out from behind a barrel and started shooting from his staff. He'd slid down like a sack of potatoes, but he was still alive. Baby, though, was lying on the deck, arms and legs at weird angles. Furious, Mario looked around.

There! A man was standing on the poop deck, hopping and flapping his arms and shaking his ass, occasionally thumping his staff on the deck and making a pirouette. It seemed he was trying to cast a spell on Korlys, who was heading straight for the mage. The Antivan was dragging his left leg behind him, but from the look on his face, it was easy to see that he was determined to get to the man currently flapping his arms like a chicken and making clucking noises. Maybe fright at seeing a murderous Crow heading towards him, daggers in hand, had driven the man out of his mind.

"Oww, fuuuuuudge," a voice said behind him. "What was that?"

Mario turned to Baby, who was twisting himself into normal position and popping his bones back into his joints. "No idea. You're a mage, you tell me," he said, pointing towards the clucking figure. "Is he possessed?"

Attrei arched his brows. "I thought he might be mentally disturbed, but now that you mention it… maybe he's been possessed by a chicken demon."

"There are chicken demons?" Mario wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Oh, I've never heard of them," Attrei admitted, "but why wouldn't there be? Korlys! Don't hurt him!"

"What the fuck, Baby? That guy almost killed us! Don't listen to him, Korlys!"

But there seemed to be no danger of Korlys listening to Attrei. In fact, the ex-Crow gave no sign of having heard either of them. He had finally reached the mage and was attempting to sweep his legs out from under him. Unfortunately, Korlys needed _two_ good legs to do so, and currently only had one. This proved to be not such a big problem after all, as Korlys simply floated into the air. He hovered a few feet above the deck like a big crow, one leg extended out, trying to trip Claudio. The bigger problem was that Claudio was hopping and flapping so energetically, it was impossible to aim properly.

Annoyed, Korlys touched down in a huff, steadying himself on one leg, and crossed his arms. "I know you are just faking, Claudio. Your clucking is shamefully déclassé - really, you are just embarrassing yourself now."

Claudio stopped. "No, it is not," he said, affronted. Before he could add anything else, however, the chicken dance song suddenly started playing. With a confused frown, he looked around, but there was no accordion in sight. He wanted to ask what was going on, but all that came out was, 'Cluck! Cluck!'

Korlys' mouth fell open - a chicken now stood where an annoyed mage had been moments ago. "I guess you were not faking after all," Korlys said after he'd collected himself. "Kudos."

"Oh. That didn't work quite the way it should." Attrei joined him and squatted next to the chicken. "I don't understand! It's a standard procedure. If you cast a spell to turn the person into the thing he's possessed by, it forces that demon out because they don't like looking like themselves. They possess people to be something they're not, you see. Demons are obsessed with human role-playing games."

"It appears if the person is not possessed, the spell actually works." Korlys patted Attrei's shoulder. "Do not be so hard on yourself - you could not have known. Claudio really was doing a good job of feigning possession... or mental illness - it is hard to say. I only told him he was being obvious because I know how touchy he can be when someone criticizes his acting skills. And besides..." Here Korlys squatted down to get a better look at the hen. "Now we will have fresh eggs for the whole voyage. Well, we will if Claudio is a good sport about all this, anyway."

The hen pecked his finger in reply. "Ouch. Dammit, Claudio - be a team player. I am sure Attrei will reverse the spell as soon as he can; you may as well be useful in the meantime, yes?"

"Or we can make chicken soup," Mario suggested, unconcerned. "More importantly, what does deeclassy mean?"

"It is a fancy way to say 'no class'," Korlys said with a smirk, and then "Ouch!" when Claudio pecked him again. He scowled at the chicken. "I told you I did not mean it." Then in a lower voice, he added, "Touchy mage," as he examined his wounded finger.

Mario frowned. "Stop that!" he barked at the hen. "How dare you act all offended! You almost killed Baby! Laying some fresh eggs is the least you can do if you have any decency!"

"Don't yell at him, don't you see he's already stressed?" Attrei gently stroked the chicken's wings. "Besides, everything is fine. We're all right, and the bad Crows are dead. And he's Korlys' friend - what did you say his name was?"

"'Dinner', if he pecks me one more time," Korlys replied, giving the chicken an ominous look.

The chicken moved closer to Attrei, glaring suspiciously at the other two. "Awww, look what you did, you scared him," Attrei said, scooping it up. "Don't worry. I won't let them cook you." Suddenly his stomach growled. "All this talk about dinner is making me hungry! Let's go see what's in the kitchen."

If a chicken could stick its tongue out, Korlys was sure Claudio would be doing so right now. He rolled his eyes. _Spoiled brat._ "Okay, but I believe Claudio would be more comfortable staying _out_ of the kitchen, yes? Unless he wants a nice, hot bath."

"Yeah, Baby could lend him his herbs, they smell real nice," Mario said with a toothy grin - then laughed out loud as the chicken started clucking loudly and flapping its wings furiously, feathers flying as it struggled to get free from Attrei's hold. Surprised, the mage let go, and the chicken made a ridiculously awkward flight to the deck, where it then folded its wings up and strutted around in a huff.

Korlys chuckled. "Well, I guess we will not be having chicken soup then," he teased, but the chicken didn't seem to appreciate the joke. _Eh, Claudio never did have a sense of humor when the joke was on him._ "But I am starving, too. Ooh, maybe they will have fish chowder!" he said hopefully, as they headed off to find the galley, the chicken all but forgotten.

But this was an _Antivan_ chicken, and they are even more likely to hold grudges than ordinary chickens. Claudio spied Mario's backpack lying a few feet away. _Oh, I will squeeze out something white, alright,_ he thought gleefully, as he waddled towards it to wage his vendetta, _but it will not be eggs._

 


End file.
